12 October 2009

my poor little brain.

my poor little brain.
i'm over thinking everything again.
thinking too far into the future.
thinking about how my life would be if i did this or that.
the problem is, i can't plan stuff in the future with that outlook, because i know there is a very high chance it will not happen.
like losing weight.
how do i get motivated?
i'm paying $14.30 a week in gym membership and i'm not even going.
i need too.
i just can't bring myself too.
i'm so fat and lazy =(
i'm so anti-social. i have never been into any pubs or nightclubs in this town.
people seem to thing you need to drink alcohol when you go out to have fun.
that's why i don't go out.
i don't drink. so i'd be so out of place.
none of my friends even invite me out anymore.
i don't have many friends.
i find it hard to make friends.
i feel depressed.
then feel even more depressed for being depressed because there are people out there is far worse situations than me.
i don't save money.
i still live at home with my parents.
i've never had a boyfriend.
i'm 22.
the only things i can remember about school is the bad things.
i need to be motivated.
i need a life coach.
or a personal trainer to get me up every morning and make me exercise and eat healthy.
i need a life.
i know i do this little speech over and over again.
i'm not going to promise it's not going to happen again, because i know it will.