28 November 2010

What's Happening

Today was hard, but at least (well I think anyway) the parents have decided what to do. Tomorrow our house, as in the house I've lived in ALL my life is going to be put on the market. It kills me inside to think that by my next birthday, there may(and most likely) be someone else living in MY house, sleeping in my room. But I know it has to be done, it is time for us all to move on. I never expected to live in this house forever, but I did expect that my parents would, so at least I could come back and visit, but that's not going to happen now. After the house sells, the mortgage is paid off, what's left is split equally and, my parents go their separate ways. Yes, that's right readers, my parents have separated. That's what all the drama has been. Mum moved out at the beginning of November, my 2 sisters and myself are still at home with dad. It has been hard for me. I think it's hit me the hardest, seeing a counselor has really helped, but I have been finding myself so sad that I've had the urge to break things. Today I was very very close to punching a window, but luckily for me, my selfless brain made me think about how that would make my parents feel and I didn't. Hazel (my counselor) tells me I need to stop worrying about everyone else and start taking care of myself, but I've always been selfless, I never thought it was a bad thing until now... I know it's not a bad thing, but I need to be selfish before I'm selfless.

I'm seriously having second thoughts about my interior design course. I don't know if I'm in the right frame of mind to start it. I have no support at home. I think I might ring the school tomorrow and tell them not to put my application in. I know I've already been accepted. I don't know what to do. I really want to do this course, but I don't know if I am capable of doing it at the moment. I've been jumping from one to another... "yes I do want to do it" and "no I can't" but I can't decide not to do it when I'm sad. I need to calm down and relax, and then I'm super excited about it.

My poor fingernails are chewed to the bone. I bite my nails when I'm stressed and nervous and OMFG. I might have to invest in a huge box of band aids and put one on every finger.

Anyway, that's all for today, I thought it was time to let everyone know whats going on in real life.

love you all. and don't worry I'll still be here :)


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