22 September 2013

Currently...

I didn't expect this post to end up so wordy.
It's most rambles.
There are a few stupid irrational brain rambles included.
I'm pretty much just talking about myself... like always.


Listening ... 
Random Access Memories by Daft Punk (on repeat)
(especially Instant Crush & Lose Yourself to Dance)
also
How Long Will I Love You by Ellie Goulding
it's such a beautiful song! makes my lonely heart ache :(
also
I discovered that one of the bands that I loved during my "emo" phase, who also broke up around that time (I was devastated) released an album last year.
I didn't even realise.
Last night I was trying to educate Emma on my Euro-Pop obsession and I discovered that
The Rasmus
has a new ALBUM!
I was so excited.
and it's so GOOD!!!!
and Lauri (the lead singer) is still adorable
and still wearing Raven feathers in his hair!

Watching ... 
This Is The End
RIPD
Now You See Me
Bob's Burgers
Star Trek Into Darkness
Daft Punk Music Videos
Adventure Time
Futurama Season 7
Planet Earth

Reading ... 
Books for work (not because I have too, I want too)
Mostly activity books, but some books about how children learn
How to embrace play and learning, invite children to play hence helping them learn
It's very interesting.

Eating ... 
Not much over the last week because I've been sick
But when I have eaten it's been all the wrong stuff.
:(
Last weekend mum and I had planned all this week out, food wise
and then I got sick and it went out the window.
We will try again next week.

Drinking ... 
Water.
I actually found myself not drinking much Pepsi Max
It was tasting really sweet for some reason
Plus being sick, all I've felt like is water
Water is Good!

Wearing ... 
Pretty much my PJs all week!

Feeling ...
Better.
This week has been quite traumatic
I've been really sick
Had several Panic Attacks, because I would have coughing fits and not be able to breathe
Not being able to sleep lying down sucks!
plus hurts my back.
But I can now sleep lying down
my coughing fits aren't very severe anymore
and I'm getting my sense of smell back!

Wanting ...
my work related anxieties to fuck off.
They're stupid and irrational
and I don't want them anymore!

Needing ...
to Relax and also detox after a week of being sick
Back at work tomorrow.
I miss the kids.

Thinking ...
about a lot of silly irrational things
things I know are stupid and not going to happen
but you know how the brain works
sometimes it know, but that doesn't make the thoughts any less depressing
also
I've been thinking a lot about how my taste in music has changed.
I used to LOVE the Finnish band HIM
but I can't even get through one of their new songs
I guess it's the associative memories related to them :(
Which sucks, because they're still good
they just don't make me feel happy like they used to.
Luckily other bands that I liked around the same time
don't have any bad associated memories.
My music taste has become less "emo/screamo/rocky" and more pop-y
I always liked Pop music
I like catchy songs, with good lyrics
and fun to sing.
Or really good to dance to.
Everyone is different.

Enjoying ...
new The Rasmus album
new Daft Punk album
having internet and not having to watch data usage

Wondering ...
why I just sit at home alone and don't go out and make friends
I'm feeling a little lonely at the moment.
but then I sit and think.
I prefer this. I'm not a very good friend
I don't go out (I don't like it)
but maybe, I should be forcing myself to go out
but then my brain starts
I worry about people judging me, but thats okay
My biggest issue is
what if someone does actually like me
and does want to be friends with me
I'm really lazy.
I find having friends hard.
I'm a weirdo
but this is why I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.
also
If what I'm doing is the right thing to do.